I am proud of myself today. The regret I had from yesterday was very much relieved today. My anxiety in meeting new people, especially girls, amounted to quite the beast yesterday. I started off well by just showing others I was having good time and just having eye contact with some girls without breaking it. However, throughout the night, I lost that momentum, my anxiety just was so much that I couldn't approach anyone other than my group.
Today, I suppressed that beast quite a bit. Yes, I failed miserably with my semi-direct opener but this feeling of relief is so great. It was VERY painful for those several moments, I just wanted to run away. I at least kept my composure so I am glad but this is something I really needed to do to suppress that behemoth of anxiety lurking. The words of my opener was good I think, but I am at a point where I can't even think properly when I am delivering it. The anxiety was overflowing and my body posture and tonality was just, what the fuck. Until I get to the point where I would be comfortable in these very awkward situations, I don't think I can focus on my posture and everything. I have to force my body to learn that these awkward situations, will not harm me physically or mentally in any kind of way. The fear from it will not amount to any harm as long as I stay away from doing these in my social circle.
Well anyways, I think what really helped me today is just making decisions within a short amount of time. I have to just go with my instincts to help me through and it really helped me with getting work done and especially this accomplishment today. I just need to continue doing so.
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